Only the obvious escapes me

Who is the opposite of Captain Obvious? I would be that.

I see what others do not. And I don’t mean figments of an imagination or dead people or the future. More like components, gaps, connections, structure, and, OK, maybe a bit of the future based on extrapolation. Regarding the latter, I often get the “what” right, but not the “when”. I have terrible timing (just like that old gypsy woman said!).

Unfortunately, people assume I see what they do plus other stuff. Hence, they think I know much more than I do. I tell them, “I don’t know everything; I just act like I do.” Inevitably, though, I am left out to regular loops.

“What up with that?” I ask when I hear about an event or decision I missed.

“We didn’t tell you because we thought you knew,” they reply. “We wondered why you weren’t there.”

“How could I possibly have known that without you telling me?”

“Because you know stuff. You, like, know everything.”

“Seriously, did you not listen when I told you I just act like I know everything?”

“We didn’t believe you.”

“Well, if you do think that I know everything, then why don’t you believe everything I tell you?”

“Uh, good question. Hmmmm. So, should we believe everything you say or should we NOT believe everything you say?”

“My recommendation is…” I hesitate and think over my reply carefully so as not to insert a don’t-do-or-believe-what-I-say paradox into the world. “…My recommendation is that you (1) act as if I know nothing, and (2) question everything I say. Or just do what you think is best in any situation. You don’t have to listen to me; it’s not like I know everything.”

About oodajunkie's words distract

Don’t bother me – I’m busy cultivating my Tortured Genius persona.
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